A Jagged Whole: From The Wreckage
by Thessian Shadow
Summary: With everything that is between us, the last thing I could ever want is to let you go; The logic to my impulse, the light to my dark, the order to my chaos. Shattered to the point of losing everything, I realize you were the one to find the missing pieces. I need this; I need you.
1. The Price of Diplomacy

**A Jagged Whole: From The Wreckage  
**_Chapter One: The Price of Diplomacy_

**A/N:** This is a spin-off from my "From Ashes" storyline. I like the minor characters, so I'm going to experiment with them and give them a history. BioWare is notorious for not giving intel on less-than-major characters, so here goes.

**Pairings:** Matriarch Irissa/Matriarch Lidanya (Primary) Mentions of Shepard (F)/Councilor Tevos

* * *

"There comes a time in life where everything changes; perceptions, personality, and even preference. That time may come sooner or later, depending on circumstance. Either way, when it occurs, the afflicted individual is changed forever…"

The slow and frank way in which the turian spoke as he stood in full hierarchy dress uniform was agonizing. He had been elected to speak on these souls' behalf, and for the most part, the crowd was numb. He was a general, and his posture reflected it well, but even in his posh tone there was something unhinging it. Grief, perhaps? No one knew, but it was there in trace amounts.

People, standing in a small cluster, consisted of military officials, councilors, and diplomats from the three council races; as well as the immediate family members. Four caskets stood in a row behind the turian speaker. All four of them bore the council insignia, and they were sealed. Salarians, turians, and asari alike stared at them, only half listening to the general as he spoke. Emotions running high, the occasional sniffle was heard, along with hinging of breath. Tears were easily seen making their way down both textured and smooth skin.

One person in particular stood rigid near the front of the crowd and to the left. Eyes focused on the casket furthest left behind the general, the name that it bore was one she couldn't bring herself to read. The sinking feeling that she felt when her presence was requested at the embassy that morning had tripled when they paraded the caskets past. Even now, she could feel it bearing down on her. Rooted to the spot, the general's words were running together, forming a continuous hum in her ears. The crowd around her was distant, and she could only see that cruel truth. A name, his name, glinting in that shining and cold silver; the more she tried to make sense of it, the harder it became to focus.

A sudden increase in volume did nothing to improve the situation. Feeling the heat of the people around her, the air stirred as they shifted; all of them moved closer, advancing on the four coffins as the turian general stepped aside. Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she didn't have to turn to know who it belonged to. Resisting the urge to step forward for the moment, she barely heard her own name leave the other's lips.

"Irissa."

Not prepared to shake off that hand that tethered her to reality just yet, the asari frowned. That voice had been the one that had started all of this. She had been the one to deliver that news that Irissa had been hoping she would never hear; that he would not be coming home. However, it was that voice that she needed to hear the most. Shaking her head slightly and finally tearing her dark blue eyes from his name, she looked at a point beyond the people ahead. The relay monument and Avina's holo form were a welcome distraction, but they were still not enough. Finding her voice, she was just able to acknowledge the other's presence.

"Lidanya."

Inhaling and releasing the breath slowly, she forced herself to move. Stepping further from the tower, she stood before the casket; hand shaking as it finally touched the smooth surface. She had felt the commando's hand glide off her shoulder as she had advanced, and her body had gone cold. Touching the smooth slightly reflective surface before her sent ice through her veins. This was supposed to make it real; she was supposed to realize that he wasn't coming back alive. The logic that had hardened itself within her since she had immersed herself in the game of politics was reinforcing that fact in her mind. Denial was attempting to set in, however. Eyes falling down to his name once again, she was finally able to read it and make sense of it.

Tarquin Nazzaro  
Commander, 27th Regiment  
(2008-2125)

Three turians stood along the side of the casket, all talking amongst themselves; one woman and two men dressed in military uniforms. Feeling her hand slip from the glossy surface, Irissa closed her eyes; the voices were still slightly blurred together due to her lack of focus. Stepping back again, she spoke again; this time, her voice had no strength behind it. "This… cannot be happening."

"I wish it hadn't." Moving to stand beside the other matriarch, Lidanya eyed Tarquin's name as well. "Irissa, I'm sorry-" Cut off by the sudden shouting from the turians, both asari were rigid as they watched the three speaking in harsh voices. Casting a glance toward Irissa, she saw the matriarch's reaction before it happened, but it was too late to stop her.

"Disagree with his choices if you must," Tone razor sharp, Irissa's biotics flared secondarily as she spoke. "But do not do so over his body. It is both a dishonor to him and foolish on your part." Recognizing one of the turians as Tarquin's brother, his eyes locked with the asari's as he nodded. He had been the least confrontational of the three, but enough was enough. Akrin had been soft-spoken but didn't hesitate when it came to his duty. Stepping away from the other two, he placed a hand on the casket, apologizing for his moment of anger, and walked away; leaving the other two to glare at his retreating back.

"He would have appreciated that."

"He would have appreciated being alive right now as well." The sharp edge hadn't quite left her tone as Irissa turned away from the two remaining turians. Seeing Lidanya's knowing look, she sighed lightly. "My apologies. My anger has visited upon many people today."

"I understand, believe me." Meeting Irissa's gaze, Lidanya frowned deeply. "I assume that's his ex-wife and her new husband."

"Indeed." With half of the effort, Irissa cast a sideways glance toward the female Turian. "I assumed she would be better, but I did not expect this."

"Under the circumstances, you seem to be taking this rather well." Lidanya's comment was met with a sarcastic snort of laughter.

"I don't see that I have much choice."

"There is always a choice, Irissa." Knowing the other matriarch's defenses like the back of her hand, Lidanya was not at all surprised by this strategy.

"He wouldn't want me to break down or argue like the rest of them."

"I don't think he would want you to pretend it doesn't bother you either." Though said in a softer tone, there was strength behind it. "The worst thing you can do is act like you're not affected by this."

"I'll take that under advisement." Seeing the two remaining turians walk away from the casket, Irissa turned her back on it completely. Seeing Lidanya shake her head slightly, Irissa focused her attention on the trees nearby; aiming for a change of subject. "Not to be so blunt, but why are you here? You should be reveling in your promotion."

"Some promotion;" the comment wasn't enough to gain Irissa's full attention, but it had the desired effect. The commando could see the corners of her mouth twitch in a questioning manner. "This was one hell of a first assignment as CO."

"What?" That had done it; Irissa turned to face the other asari. Her eyes were more focused; curiosity clearly reflected in them. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean they," Lidanya turned sharply, motioning toward the four caskets, and turned back, before she continued. "Were my first assignment. We got reports of a ship set adrift two days ago. The signature and specifications matched the ship that the Council sent out to Parnack."

"Wait…" Taking a moment to consider what the commando had just said, Irissa frowned. "That means-"

"-that we were sent to investigate, yes." It was a truth she felt conflicted about admitting; in one way the gruesome condition of the bodies was something no one should have to witness, but on the other hand, she felt Irissa had a right to know.

"Then I take it you saw his body." Apprehension and dread colored her voice; the question had passed through her mind as to why the caskets had been sealed. Now, there may be an explanation.

"I did." Having gone through many difficult situations in her life, Lidanya found these two words the hardest to say. The condition in which they had found those bodies was unspeakable; they had been left aboard a nearly pristine asari ship to rot. None of the four delegates' bodies were intact; large gashes, blood-soaked clothing and armor, and broken or dismembered limbs were all part of the sight that met the boarding party. Lidanya herself had been the first board, and even now she could not look at the caskets without the thought of what lay within them burned into her mind. "Irissa, I can't tell you what you want to hear."

"And what is it that you think I want to hear?" Whether it was hostility or curiosity, it didn't matter. Irissa resisted the urge to glare at the commando, but the urge to do so was not easily hidden.

"The condition of the body." Knowing that this was not going to be an easy topic to discuss, Lidanya had braced herself since she had returned to the Citadel, but none of that mental preparation was enough for this. "I know you and the others will want details on how they looked and whether they suffered-"

"Damn right I do."

"I can't." The look that registered on Irissa's face as the words reached her ears was bordering betrayal. Lidanya clenched her jaw; the images still flowing through her head like the nightmare that they were. "Irissa, I'm sorry… I just can't."

"Political red tape holding you back?" The sarcasm and slight anger were enough to make Lidanya flinch. Irissa's words were quick and almost harsh. "That would be a first."

"It's…" Throwing her hands up in a defensive manner, the commando worked to keep her voice low and calm. Having not slept at all in the last three days, she was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Dealing with this was more of a strain than she cared to admit. "It's not that. You of all people should know that no form of red tape will hold me back." Remembering instances when she could have easily killed herself by going against medical advice and going into combat anyway, Lidanya shook her head. "I… I can't bring myself to put those images in your head." Seeing the other matriarch nod reluctantly, the commando admitted something. "I wasn't the only one who saw it."

"What?" On the verge of turning and walking away, Irissa remained where she was. "Who else did?"

"My XO and a few others." Almost instantly regretting that answer, Lidanya went on. "Most of my staff was inherited, so I'm not sure who they are. Enyala is my XO. You might get answers from her or the others."

"I see," Casting a look back toward the caskets as others walked past, Irissa nodded with more certainty. "And thank you."

"There's another reason I came here." Remembering the one thing they were able to salvage from Tarquin's body that meant something, Lidanya stepped closer. Reaching into a pocket of her dress uniform, she retrieved an object. Fist closed around it completely, she spoke, but the words felt as if they were laced with acid as she said them. "This was… among the remains. They had originally elected to bury him with it, but I wasn't sure."

Eyes trained on the commando's closed fist, Irissa almost didn't want to see what lay within it. When her hand opened, it took all of the matriarch's strength not to collapse. In the commander's hand lay a moderate-sized silver-blue orb. It did not shine with its original brilliance, however. Instead, it was coated with a deep blue substance. There were some places, namely on one portion of it that shone as it should have in the artificial sunlight; she knew what it was instantly. Retrieving it reluctantly, Irissa felt the smooth surface opposed to the major portion that was textured with turian bloodstains. "Where did you find this…"

"Please don't make me tell you." It was a hope that that would make her retract the question, but it didn't. Irissa's eyes never left the bonding orb as she rephrased the question.

"Where was it on his body when he was killed?"

"I don't know where it was before." At first, the answer sparked anger, but then the other matriarch heard "before", and relaxed her posture. Thinking of where she had seen that orb upon discovery of the bodies, Lidanya shivered visibly. "All I know is where it was when we discovered the bodies…"

"And?"

"It was…" Swallowing to clear the knot in her throat at the thought, the commando attempted to clear the mental image from her mind, but she failed miserably. "It was lodged i-in his spine." There, she had said it; her words hitching, but she had said it. Seeing the realization hit the other woman, she saw Irissa visibly start to shake.

The words felt like knives cutting into her as the reality sank in. They had found this orb, their bonding orb, jammed within Tarquin's spine. The thing was coated in his blood, and she was just starting to see why Lidanya couldn't bring herself to admit how his body looked when they had retrieved it. Hand closing around the orb tightly, she felt her nails digging into her upper palm. That stability she had been thankful to still possess was faltering; body trembling slightly. Breath coming in shorter bursts as time passed, she felt her balance waver. Knees buckled, and she didn't even put up an effort to remain standing. Two arms quickly surrounded her, and for the first time since 02:75 that morning, Irissa felt warmth. The tears that had threatened to fall for the last hours finally succeeded; carving hot paths down her cool skin, they burned. Coupled with her chest feeling as if it were gripped by clawed hands, Irissa realized that she was grateful for the pain. It was better than feeling nothing at all.

"It's alright, I've got you." The words didn't register at all, but Lidanya kept talking regardless. "I was in your position nearly a quarter of a millennium ago." Holding the other asari, she wasn't surprised when Irissa's forehead found her shoulder. "There is a lesson to be learned here…" Eying the two asari, salarian, and Tarquin's remains, Lidanya bowed her head; forehead coming into contact with Irissa's shoulder. "That is the price of diplomacy."


	2. Return of a Matriarch

**A Jagged Whole: From The Wreckage  
**_Chapter Two: Return of a Matrairch_

* * *

Fifty-eight years had passed since that day. The massacre was only a bitter memory for most, but to her it was almost a daily knife to the ribs. It was no struggle to rise from an empty bed in the morning and assume her duties as councilor elect, but no one fully trusted her judgment. In short, Irissa was a wise matriarch, but she was one that was easily overlooked by the others.

It had been that way since she had lost Tarquin. Once a rather famed matriarch who was held in high regard by most, she was reduced to being the sharp-tongued and factual one that was only "utilized" when there was no other option. Half a century alone had made her cold, and there were very few who truly knew her and not the icy façade that she allowed everyone else to see. One such person stood in a room at what was soon to be named Huerta Memorial hospital on the presidium level of the Citadel. Back straight and hands clasped behind her back, she faced the occupant, eyes slightly narrowed due to an oncoming headache.

"I'm concerned, that's all."

"About?"

"About her assuming your duties while you recover."

"She did not want the position, and quite frankly, neither did I." Dark almost obsidian eyes met the councilor's rich brown ones. She was standing by the window, looking over reports of casualties and rebuilding efforts. Though she wasn't *supposed* to be looking at them, she had convinced Lidanya to forward them. The aforementioned matriarch nodded in understanding before speaking.

"I remember you opposed the nomination."

"She was my superior." Tevos frowned at the casualties, but the Alliance's efforts to rebuild and restore the Citadel were commendable. The attack orchestrated by Saren Arterius and the reaper, Sovereign had only taken place three weeks ago. "Irissa should have gotten this position."

"Yeah," A short laugh escaped the CO of the Ascension as she crossed her arms. "And it would have been her in here and not you."

"You are terrible." The serious note with which Tevos spoke was destroyed by the upturn of her lips.

"I have to find humor in it somehow, otherwise we would all be miserable." The slight smirk that graced the commando's lips finally reached her eyes. "You've been here for a few weeks and the time doesn't want to pass by quickly."

"I will agree with you on that." Making a few notations on the datapads before her, the councilor did a backup of the reports on her omni tool. "Could you imagine her impatience, having to deal with this?"

"I don't see how you're handling it, to be bluntly honest." Pocketing the datapads, Lidanya looked at the clock on her own omni tool. "She'll be here in a few hours."

"And you are really concerned?"

"Not with the power getting to her head, no. My real issue is with her animosity towards her own government."

"That could be… problematic." Frowning herself, Tevos ran a hand over the left side of her crest. A sharp intake of breath got the commando's attention.

"Still painful, I see."

It is progress, I'll give it that." As the pain subsided, the councilor went on with her previous statement. "You really think she would do something…"

"I don't think so, but…" Sitting down in the chair nearby, Lidanya placed her head in one of her hands; the other one resting on her left knee. "It's like I don't know her anymore."

"Rumor has it that you knew her best."

"I knew who she used to be." Looking up at that previous comment, the CO's dark eyes were momentarily hidden behind purple lids. "I knew who she was before he was killed."

"It doesn't seem as if she is affected by his absence."

"I don't know if she still is or if she is just numb; closing herself off to the galaxy…"

"And I don't know which one of those is worse." Lidanya nodded at that last comment, agreeing with the councilor completely. It had been a few years since she and Irissa had spoken. They had both been wrapped up in their own careers, and then this had happened.

The attack on the Citadel had left Lidanya no choice but to abandon the Citadel and evacuate the council. It was procedure, but it was the first time she herself had been forced to make that call. It had been the right one, by all means, but seeing the aftermath, it didn't feel like it. The Ascension had come under fire from the Geth, and the human spectre, Shepard, had been left with a choice: save the Ascension and risk the Alliance fleet to do it, or hold them back and let the Ascension fend for itself. In the end, she had chosen to save the Council and its flagship.

While they had been under fire, GARDIAN defenses had gone offline, kinetic barriers were all but lost, and weapons systems were malfunctioning. The geth had hit them hard, and it was only luck that they had gotten that distress call off at all. Sovereign was disrupting communications, leaving them powerless. She herself had been on the verge of considering them a fatality, especially when the Alliance had closed the comm channel. Geth dreadnaughts moving in, they had caused several surges to pass through the systems, crippling what hope they had. Lidanya, in an attempt to boost comm reception, had been blasted backwards when one came through the comm array.

The effort hadn't been in vain. Tevos had gotten a call off to the Citadel, reaching Shepard before it was too late, and Shepard had sent seven ships along with her own to clear a path. Even that came with a cost, however. One of the stabilizers had overloaded and the councilor had been blasted in the face and upper body by a stream of plasma. That was what had landed her here. Lidanya had been brought in, treated, and against medical advice, she had left the doctors' care to keep an eye on the councilor. That was when she had received her first communication from Thessia; from Irissa.

* * *

_"__Irissa?"_

_"__Is everything alright?"_ It had come as a shock to hear the other matriarch's voice over her omni tool. She had been on her feet for maybe three hours at the most, and things had been rather hectic around the hospital. Keeping her voice down, Lidanya wasn't able to remove the relief at hearing Irissa's voice again for the first time in years.

_"__It's getting there. Repairs are already underway, casualties are being counted, and the council is in one piece… or as much as they can be."_

_"__I wasn't referring to that."_ The bluntness of that statement made the commando blink a few times, but before she could respond, Irissa clarified her meaning. _"I know they will manage. I've already spoken with an assistant in the embassy. I was referring to you."_

_"__I'm fine."_

_"__Indeed."_ The sarcasm was palpable. In truth, Lidanya knew that Irissa would probably see through her answer, but it was worth the attempt. The last thing anyone needed was more worrying. It would do no good. _"Rumor has it that you were out of it until yesterday."_

_Alright, yeah, I was banged up a bit in the standoff with the Geth fleet. I'm alright."_ It wasn't completely wrong. She had been out of it for three days. Doctors had to go in and do a few repairs where the spinal cord merged with the shoulder blades, repaired a long fracture in her skull, and had to set a few less crucial bones. In the end, she was still here. The concern was not something the commando was used to.

_"__You're well enough then, I suppose. I will know for certain when I get there. As a formality, my presence has been requested on the station in a few weeks' time."_

_"__So I can assume by that that news of the councilor's condition has reached the higher end of our government." _Frowning as she leaned against the door, Lidanya sighed at the other matriarch's answer.

_"__It has. There are also… Other issues that they are concerned with." _The pause in Irissa's words was unsettling, but it wasn't all that unexpected. There was always more to it than a simple issue with their government. From the outside, it looked like a well-run, tight-knit, and diplomatic group of city states. When a person stepped past the illusion, they would see more political hurdles than ever expected. _"They are rather concerned with the allegations brought on by Donnel Udina. What disturbs me is that she did not contest them."_

_"__She had no reason to."_ Knowing the allegations that Irissa was referring to, the commando lowered her voice slightly, knowing that the press were camped out not too far away. _"It had to be done."_

_"__And I am not debating that." _It wasn't quite a personal tone, but Irissa wasn't talking business either. _"If I were in her position, I would have done the exact same thing. The fact is that she did overstep her boundaries. There is a hope that the ambassador will not take legal action against her."_

_"__Yeah, let's hope."_ Tone slightly clipped as Lidanya shifted, she worked to conceal the pain that shot through her body. _"Never mind the fact that if it hadn't been for her, or someone releasing the Normandy, Arterius and Sovereign would have succeeded."_

_"__As I said, you have no objection as far as I am concerned. I am simply warning you of what is to come." _Lidanya could almost see Irissa throwing her hands up in a defensive posture by the sound of her voice. _"I find the human term "Don't shoot the messenger" highly appropriate."_

_"__I'm sorry."_ Head falling slightly into the hand that wasn't upholding her omni tool, Lidanya felt the weight of the last days bearing down. _"I've been up for nearly forty hours. I'll find out more when I can."_

_"__What do you know now?" _It was a relief to hear the understanding tone in Irissa's voice. Everything that had been going on on the station had been rushed, a swarm of cameras, doctors speaking in what seemed like another language, and now, all she wanted was to sleep; to wake up like this nightmare had never happened. _"Have they said anything?"_

_"__No…" _Feeling the long abrasion that went down the far right side of her face, Lidanya wasn't surprised to see the dried and flaky purple blood that lined her fingers when she looked back up. _"Nothing specific."_

_"__The situation warrants caution, I'll give it that."_

_"__I agree. To say I'm concerned would be an understatement." _Eyes darting toward the door that she stood near, Lidanya was tempted to swear under her breath. Doctors had come and gone, and she had heard nothing. _"I've been here since they brought her in, and I've only heard that they have done all they can for her. It has been a week."_

_"__I know. Thessia is swarming with rumors about the incident." _Hearing voices in the background, the commando was prepared to question who was there, but within a second, they faded, as if going out of range. _"I have kept them down as best I can, but the other matriarchs are becoming desperate. Any news of her condition would be much appreciated."_

_"__I'll see what I can do from here. Shepard, the human spectre, was the last to speak to her, from what I understand."_ At that point, she had spotted the human, who had just entered the ward. _"She's here. I'll see what I can find out, and then we might get some answers."_

_"__Understood. Be well; my prayers are with her. We can only hope for an expedient recovery."_

_"__Agreed. Goddess be with you."_

* * *

That conversation had taken place nearly two weeks ago. Since then, they had all been questioned in the events of the "Battle of the Citadel", as it had been christened. The station was under repairs; Zakera ward being hit the hardest by Sovereign's remains, aside from the presidium. Shepard, while being hailed as a hero by most, had been questioned and was facing possible suspension by Alliance Brass. In the meantime, she had been here in the hospital with the councilor. Tevos herself seemed to be in better spirits, now that the recovery process had really begun.

"Ah well, we'll have to see how that goes, won't we?" Leaning forward slightly in the chair, Lidanya checked her omni tool, hearing it chime again. "Ship's on approach to the Citadel. Looks like she'll be here sooner than expected."

"It isn't just that she is being "sent" here by the matriarchs that bothers you, is it?" Tevos was good at reading people; with her race's history on the council and the demands of her position, it was almost a job requirement. The slight turn-down of the commando's lips, hardened eyes, and tension in her shoulders had become more of a tell than anyone else would recognize, save for Irissa.

"You're right, it isn't." Tone changing slightly, Lidanya couldn't keep the reluctance out of it. Truth is, the last time we saw each other, we had a… disagreement."

"In regard to what?"

"Rannoch."


	3. Choice Words

**A Jagged Whole: From The Wreckage  
**_Chapter Three: Choice Words_

* * *

Standing near a portside window in the CO's quarters had been a leisure that she had missed. Wrapped up in political matters and all of the crossfire that went along with them, the hum of a ship's engines and the simple vertigo when inertial dampeners kicked in was a rare escape that she barely managed to find. This time was different, however; leaving her homeworld only to arrive in the Serpent nebula a few short hours later. Going from a crowd of worried and frantic matriarchs to the cluster that was a battle-ravaged station wasn't the best of moves. Worse yet, she was being sent to assume the one position she did not want.

Placing the datapad she had been reading back on the flat surface below the window, the asari watched the various pink and purple hues of the nebula as the ship cleared the relay. The closer to its heart the ship got, the more vibrant the colors. Raising a hand to her face, she traced the faded white markings along the side of her cheek and neck. She had been among the finer commandos at one time; earning these marks as a symbol of her accomplishments. Now, they simply angered her; serving as a daily reminder that commandos were not the most popular of matriarchs. They were the ones that should have remained in the navy until they retired. Her thoughts were interrupted when the comm chimed; a call coming in from the bridge.

"Go ahead."

"Ma'am, your presence is requested in the embassy as soon as we are cleared at the docks." The helmsman stated this with a crisp tone, and it almost made the matriarch laugh. The entire crew of this frigate had been on edge since she had boarded.

"I see." Thinking on what she had intended to do before reporting to the asari embassy, she nodded to herself. "I will get to that."

"Understood, Ma'am."

Turning away from the window, she looked over the small quarters. The bed was still crisply made; she had no use for sleeping at all. Being up for thirty-six hours already, what would a few more hurt? The terminal was still closed; holo keyboard not touched by her hands. In short, the entire trip had been spent sitting in the chair nearest this window or standing by it. Her time spent on the Citadel would not be purely business, but it would not be anywhere near pleasurable; she had already established that.

Aside from dealing with the hurricane of work at the embassy, she wanted to see the asari councilor in person. Having spoken off and on throughout the years, they had not had a simple conversation that did not involve politics. Everything had to be strictly professional while under the watchful eye of the matriarchs or other councilors. That aside, someone else was there; someone that had been slightly out of sorts the last time they had met face to face.

There were commandos that would give their lives for their subordinates, those that would relish putting their biotics through rigorous trials against a worthy opponent, and then there were those that threw themselves into their careers in an attempt to escape from something. The one she had both anticipated and hesitated seeing again was a combination of the former and the latter; the commanding officer of the Council's flagship. Early on in her career, Lidanya had earned the respect of anyone who had served with her for her fierce loyalty and willingness to pursue the best option in a strategic shitstorm. She had put her people and civilians first, while leaving herself vulnerable. It was an admirable trait and one that had served her well, but it was also a dangerous one.

Irissa sat down again, using her omni tool to summon the commando's personnel file, and looked through her service history. It wasn't necessary, due to having memorized it years ago, but looking through things like this was a good way to pass the time. Seeing various commendations and ship placements, the matriarch stopped on one particular incident. The year 1895 CE was one that held great significance to the CO of the Ascension; one that had caused her a great deal of pain. Events that took place then had scarred the woman, leaving only her navy career as a source of security. Those events were the cause of a rather… fierce argument the last time they had met on Thessia.

* * *

_"__Still keeping an eye on traffic from the Perseus Veil, I see."_

_"__Yeah." _She seemed more distracted when she spoke as she looked over a galaxy map's holo interface. The relays connected to the Far Rim and Perseus Veil were selected; stats scrolling down in regard to ships passing through the general area. _"All that has been recorded is Geth fleet movements."_

_"__Did you expect anything less?"_ It was odd to linger on such things for so long, but Lidanya had a reason. Most would say that she was bordering on an obsession, but they knew nothing. _"What knowledge do you expect to gain from this?"_

_"__I do it to remind myself." _There it was; this was one of the rare occasions where the woman was revealed from behind the commando's mask. Only a cluster of people really knew what this meant, and Irissa didn't know if it was a privilege or a burden to be one of them.

_"__And yet, they are not the ones to blame."_

_"__I watch them; looking for a reason."_ Not seeing what she was looking for, Lidanya deactivated her omni tool, which she was using to transfer the data, which closed the galaxy map. Bowing her head slightly, the red markings looked like streaks of blood in the Thessian sunset that lay before them.

_"__A reason for what?" _Stepping forward, Irissa stood just to the commando's left, looking over the datapad that held the data she had just gathered. It looked rather consistent. For the last several decades, Geth ships had increased in their travel, but they had not left the Veil; not even to travel to the Far Rim.

_"__A reason for thinking I could have been wrong."_

_"__I assume you still have yet to find a reason for doubt."_

_"__There are no indications…"_ It sounded as if she was saddened by that. Lidanya wasn't one to always assume she was correct, but she didn't look for a reason to not trust her own judgment, either. Blue eyes focusing on the commando, Irissa couldn't help but feel concerned.

_"__Would it be so terrible if your assumption was correct?"_

_"__I suppose not;" _Tone changing from resigned to something sharper, Lidanya's eyes turned an amber color as she looked up toward the sun. _"Either way, someone would have died, right?"_

_"__That is not how I meant that, and you know it."_ Eyes narrowing slightly as she turned to face Lidanya directly, Irissa motioned toward the datapad. _"That will not change anything."_

_"__I don't need this."_ Turning abruptly to leave, the commando pocketed the datapad; prepared to walk off. She stopped short at the other matriarch's next words.

_"__You've been running from it for the last two centuries."_

_"__What the hell?"_ Turning, Lidanya had to grit her teeth to keep from saying anything else. The shock of that statement hadn't quite worn off yet, and she didn't trust her temper.

_"__Judging by your reaction, you heard exactly what I said."_ Voice turning slightly colder, Irissa didn't waver. Standing there, she kept her eyes ahead, feeling the commando's burning a hole in her back. _"It may not have been what you wanted to hear, but that is beside the point."_

_"__You're really starting this?"_

_"__I'm not the one afraid to go down this road."_ Knowing that her words hit the mark she had hoped for, Irissa didn't have to turn to know Lidanya's eyes had widened. She could feel the tension in the other woman, hear the shift in posture and change in breathing, and she waited for the response.

_"__I'm not running from a damned thing, and I'm sure as hell not afraid."_ Remaining where she was, Lidanya hesitated. Irissa listened in silence as her words continued to gnaw at the commando; they were blunt and cold, but they were the truth. No one would bother to push this issue, in hopes that it would resolve itself; no one but her. Lidanya's words were filled with self-restraint as she spoke them next. _"Don't pretend to know what this is, because you don't-"_

_"__There are things stemming from this that you cannot avoid."_ Finally turning, Irissa met the other matriarch's glare with an icy one of her own. _"You will have to face this eventually. I would hate to see what becomes of you if you don't."_

_"__I know what you're referring to, and it won't happen-"_

_"__Oh there are many things I was referring to by that."_ Cutting the commando off, Irissa went on. _"They are only a part of what you are running from; they play a consuming role, but they are only the beginning. You run from three specific demons, Lidanya."_

_"__You don't know what the hell you're talking about-"_

_"__I know more than most."_ Tone turning deadly, Irissa saw the minute twitch in the commando's expression, and used it as ammunition against her. _"You know I'm right, or you wouldn't still be standing here. These three demons are ones of your own creation: The first is a reminder; one of loss and perceived failure. The second is a truth that you cannot deny; it burns and tears at you without mercy. The third, and most deadly, is the experience; it is destroying everything that you ever were, and you cannot escape it."_

It registered like a punch to the chest; Eyes still pinned on Irissa, Lidanya's entire posture changed. It wasn't one of defeat, but not one of defiance; it was as if something wouldn't let her agree. Her tone reflected such a notion. _"No… You're wrong."_

_"__Am I?"_ The question was a sarcastic one. _"If that is the case, then why do I see fear in your eyes?" _At that, the commando's eyes hardened momentarily, but the damage had already been done. _"I will not stand by and watch you go down in flames, Lidanya. You can continue to torture yourself for events that were beyond your control, or find a way to overcome them. The choice is yours; what you do with it will determine your fate."_

* * *

She had walked away nearly twenty years ago; never returning to that particular overlook over Kanala River again. It had been one of the few places in the area where she was granted a reprieve from various political and corporate figures. Now, that place stood as a reminder that even the most hardened of commandos wasn't impervious to the truth and the damage in its wake. Deactivating her omni tool again, Irissa leaned back in the chair. Though stiff-backed, it was enough of a relief on her tense muscles that she began to feel remotely tired. Letting her head fall back against the padded top of the back rest, she exhaled slowly. It wouldn't be long before they were directed to a dock by Citadel Control. Sure enough, the comm chimed again within a few moments, revealing the helmsman's confirmation.

"We've been cleared for dock 471, Ma'am."

"Acknowledged." Rising, she heard a slight crack as she straightened up. Back protesting slightly, Irissa shook it off. Knowing that someone from the station tended to deal with cargo, she left the CO's cabin with only the datapad she had been reading and the orb recovered from her bondmate's body. It was something that she never parted with. Heading down to the bridge, she found the station clearly in sight as they were docking near C-Sec headquarters. Addressing the helmsman, a light blue-skinned asari who looked as if she was still in the maiden stage, Irissa let her tone lose its typical crispness. "I trust everything is in order."

"Yes Ma'am." Feeling the ship coming to a stop, the asari released control and let the docking clamps do the rest. "We're clear. Saphyria, from the embassies, asked that you speak with her when you get a moment. Other than that, there are no other outstanding issues."

"Very good, Corporal." Once the docking procedure had completed, Irissa and the ship's crew left the ship. They, having been on duty for the last few weeks, were ready for shore leave. Bidding them a more or less informal goodbye as she went her separate way, the matriarch left for the presidium.

Reaching the artificially lit arm of the station, Irissa was met by Saphyria, who alerted her that her presence was requested in the turian and salarian embassies when ready, and that the asari councilor was still in hospital. Crossing the embassies' lobby, she took the long way to the hospital. It was quiet up on this level; there were the occasional construction zones and a few keepers scattered about, but overall, the level looked as if it was getting back on its feet.

Entering the hospital, which looked better than most buildings on the level, Irissa was reminded why she hated them. The sterility was almost contagious, and people spoke quietly as if the slightest noise would shatter a pane of glass. Directed to an upper floor, she emerged near a knot of cameras and reporters. They looked as if they had camped out on that level for days on end, and some had the dark circles under their eyes to prove it. She bypassed them with practiced ease; not speaking at all when they began questioning why she was there. Only when she had reached the recovery end of the ward did she really start looking around. There were many recovering here, but one person caught her attention. Sitting in an armchair near a room on the side opposite the embassies, sat a familiar commando.

Purple skin littered with signs of battle and a long abrasion that went down the side of her head, she was almost slumped over. Her eyes were closed to the weak stream of doctors and techs that pulsed through the ward. Breathing even, she seemed to be in a decent sleep, but the slight twitch of her shoulder said differently. Stepping closer, Irissa heard a slight hinge in her breathing that seemed to indicate more than one painful injury.

"She's been up here off and on since she was released herself." A salarian doctor said this quietly as he came out of the room closest. "Hasn't slept all that decently either. Judging by that, I'd say she still isn't." He left the two to continue his rounds, and Irissa placed a light hand on the commando's shoulder. This caused the other woman's eyes to open quickly; searching for the disturbance. Eyes traveling upward, they widened in recognition. However, before she could even form words in her mind, Irissa had nodded gently and moved on; vanishing behind the opaque and reflective glass door that the salarian had exited out of.


	4. Words Turned to Blades

**A Jagged Whole: From The Wreckage  
**_Chapter Four: Words Turned to Blades_

* * *

Having explained their last encounter on Thessia to the councilor, Lidanya had stepped out for a moment. Coffee was stale, the air was thick, and it felt like centuries since she had had a fitful sleep. There was always something else to do, people to speak with, or the press to threaten. Either way, this place of healing was not one of peace.

Sitting down in the armchair closest to the door she had just exited, she let her head fall into her hands. The normally textured but not rough skin of her crest was still littered with abrasions that were in various stages of healing. One finger resting on the long wound down the right side of her face, the commando gritted her teeth. Every bone in her body felt as if it was grinding against another. Aside from reliving the near destruction of her ship and its complement, that was what kept her awake most nights. Meds were not an option; she hated the effect they had on her. In short, there was nothing to do for it. Resigned, she leaned back in the chair; pain shooting through her spine as she put pressure on it. Head falling to the side, she heard the doctors nearby talking to one of her bridge staff. The words were unclear, even with them being a few feet away. The more they talked, the more distant they sounded. It was a testament to her exhaustion, no doubt.

Closing her eyes to the brighter sunlight coming from the lab side of the ward, Lidanya thought a little more on the argument that occurred on Thessia. It had been sudden, unexpected, and painful. It had caused her to do a great deal of thinking between then and now, but the words still brought out a sense of dread when they crossed her mind.

* * *

_"__You've been running from it for the past two centuries."_

That couldn't have been more accurate. At the time, she didn't want to admit it to herself, much less anyone else, but Irissa had been right. What had sparked her obsession with the Veil and Far Rim had driven the commando away from family, friends, and life in general. It had started as a search for self-affirmation, and it turned into something more.

_"__You're really starting this…"_

Really, Irissa hadn't started it. Thinking back on why she had been looking over ship movements that day, Lidanya remembered just what had piqued her interest. It had been the anniversary of the very event that had hardened her resolve as a commando; the one that had started this whole thing.

_"__There are things stemming from this that you cannot escape."_

Deep down, Lidanya had known it all along. Indeed there were things that had happened due to her choices over two centuries ago, and those choices had cost her everything that meant anything.

_"__You know I'm right, or you wouldn't still be standing here. These three demons are ones of your own creation: The first is a reminder; one of loss and perceived failure."_

A reminder of failure indeed. Someone had died on that scouting mission to the Perseus Veil; that commando had been her superior, a confidante, and much more. Loss didn't even cover the sickening feeling Lidanya got when she looked at the images of the deceased; it hurt to breathe, her body would turn cold, and she couldn't bring herself to look away. Physical pain could not compare.

_"__The second is a truth that you cannot deny; it burns and tears at you without mercy."_

That truth was something she couldn't deny alright. Her shotgun bore evidence to that effect. The disciple that she had acquired after completing commando training centuries ago was well cared for, but it had a past. She could wipe it down as much as possible, and it would look as if it were a freshly made firearm; no amount of maintenance would wash away what had been showered all over it that day in 1895 CE. She had killed with that shotgun; seven people had been shot at point blank range without mercy. In short, she was a murderer.

_"__The third, and most deadly, is the experience; it is destroying everything that you ever were, and you cannot escape it."_

* * *

"No matter how hard I try or how far I run…" Muttering this to herself, the commando was thankful for no one being around at the moment. That last had been the hardest to hear, but it was the most correct. The experience had shaped her into an unfeeling soldier; she had taken as many assignments as possible to drown out the memories; it had cost her her remaining family; a sister had died and her daughters had left home while she was on an optional deployment. Her sister was younger, but she had lived a hard life as a mercenary. Biting the bullet and dying in a raid on Illium, she had been the proverbial black sheep of the family. As for Lidanya's daughters; they were around two hundred and forty when they left nearly a century ago. She hadn't seen them since.

* * *

_"__No… You're wrong…" _

It had been a feeble attempt to mask what she was feeling. The words had been hard to hear, but the impact they had felt like a rifle shot. It didn't matter if she had been right or wrong at the time; Irissa had a way of getting to people, and at that moment, she had been the target.

_"__I will not stand by and watch you go down in flames, Lidanya. You can continue to torture yourself for events that were beyond your control, or find a way to overcome them. The choice is yours; what you do with it will determine your fate."_

She could see the sun as it outlined the other matriarch on that overlook. The clouds gathering in anticipation of the night's rain spaced far enough apart to give Irissa a flaming silhouette. The fierce blue of her eyes matched the hues of the water as it reflected the darker skies above. The woman was both stunning and foreboding that day, and her warning could not have been more clear. Her last statement seemed equal to a slow-working poison; one that went unnoticed at first but would start to dismantle its victim's resolve.

_"__Only when you are prepared to leave the past where it stands will you see the path ahead. Until then, you will be trapped deep in a chasm of your own making; in one which I nor anyone else can reach you."_

* * *

She could see the sun growing brighter; orange hues changing to a blinding white. Feeling the ground lurch beneath her, she was sent down into a cold black void. Gunshots, weak protests, and the distant sound of ragged breathing assaulted her ears as she anticipated a hard and merciless landing; it never came. The cold air seemed to tear at her lungs, causing her chest to ache. Giving into it, she let go of all anticipation only to feel warmth spreading through her shoulder and down her arm. Waking with a slight start, Lidanya blinked rapidly; the light from the lab side of the ward was a harsh clash to the endless blackness she had just been pulled from. Looking around for a few seconds, she saw doctors, nurses, and others nearby, but the warmth in her shoulder remained. Finding the source, her eyes widened.

The asari that stood to her left wore an even expression; it was one that revealed nothing, but her eyes did most of the talking. Normally cold and ruthless, Lidanya saw a more tranquil blue than ever before. Clad in a black dress with red overtones and white trim, Irissa was dressed for her role; crisp and professional, she stood with an air that would have registered as formidable for most people. Before the commando could even think, much less form anything close to words, Irissa had nodded and entered the room closest; to speak to the councilor in person, no doubt. Seeing the salarian doctor that had been a constant since the incident with the human one, Lidanya waved him over for a moment.

"Wiks, you saw the asari that was just here, right?"

"Ah, the matriarch, yes; she was here for a few minutes. I assume she went to speak with the councilor." The salarian, a current member of the Special Tasks Group on leave, nodded. "Seemed a bit concerned."

"Concerned…" Still trying to wrap her brain around the fact that she had just had a bizarre dream, Lidanya worked to focus on the here and now. "Concerned about what?"

"Your posture was most telling, Commander." Leaving her with that, Padok Wiks left for one of the labs, where it looked as if he was expecting test results. This left Lidanya to stand slowly; spine cracking with protest as she did so. Seeing the same salarian heading back to another room, she left word with him.

"If anyone asks, I'll be topside."

Seeing him nod, she left for the kiosk out at the front of the ward. The coffee had begun to lose its taste nearly three days in, so she chose to go with a steaming cup of tea. Once the credits had cleared, she ascended the two levels to the roof of the building which some had begun to frequent due to the subtle silence in the wards below. At the moment however, it was vacant. Choosing to stand on the side facing the Citadel tower, Lidanya leaned against the waist-high metal barrier.

Taking the first long sip of her tea, which was salarian in origin, she felt the herbal combination start to do its work. The main reason she had chosen this particular brew was for its ability to calm one's nerves. Tensions had risen between asari and humans as of late; no doubt, due to Shepard's choice to sacrifice her people for the council and the Ascension's crew. Lidanya had played peacemaker for as long as she could stand; as of a few days ago, she was at her wits end. Putting the negative thoughts associated with that aside for the moment, she looked over the tower and the relay "monument". The small-scale relay was still in one piece, and the building beyond was in a better stage of repair than it had been when she had first woke here. Keepers were moving about, various species were working to replace bulkheads, and windows were being sealed back into place. It didn't look as "broken" as it had before.

Thinking about her daughters, Lidanya settled for looking back through various messages and images that had been saved after they had been sent to her extranet address on various deployments. Activating her omni tool, she used it as a bridge to transfer everything to a spare datapad she kept on her. It had become a habit to have at least one means of displaying files aside from an omni tool. Those could fail. Once the data had transferred, she went through a few messages sent by both Selyna and Alana. Being only two years apart, they had grown up inseparable. That seemed to be her only consolation; whatever they were doing, they were probably together. Seeing a painfully short vid from when they were very young, she watched it again. They had to be in their early thirties at the time.

_"__Hurry home!"_

_"__Mom says she's ready to whack you in the crest with a pillow again!"_

The two, Alana first to speak, and Selyna last, had been grinning when they sent that. Both of them had teal skin like their mother, whom the youngest was named after due to their likeness. Both looked as if they were preparing to head off to sleep. Pausing the playback for a moment, the commando simply looked at the two girls; both so happy and young. Hearing the laughter in their voices, she allowed herself a small laugh as well. It was only tarnished by trace amounts of sadness that started to creep in as she resumed the playback.

_"__Goodnight, Dad; love you."_

_"__Sleep well, and wherever you are, stay safe."_

"You too, both of you…" Datapad in her left hand, Lidanya raised her right and went over her forehead and upper crest slowly. That had been easy to watch then, but now was a different story; their role was reversed. That had been one of the rare times her bondmate hadn't said something as well after the girls had left for bed. It was almost ritual for her to get a vidmail every night from the three of them. If Alana was the one out on deployment, then she would get the same.

Moving on to a few messages she had gotten from Alana herself, Lidanya found one notice she couldn't find it within herself to delete. It had been the notification of deployment that she and her bondmate had received in regard to an assignment in late 1895 CE. It was the first time they had both been deployed at the same time since their daughters had been born, and it was something they had both tried to avoid. Although there had not been any active conflict that the asari had been directly involved in, each deployment had put the two on edge; small conflicts could easily erupt into full-scale war, which was what they had learned the hard way on that particular assignment.

It had started off as nothing; a few smaller class frigates making a shadow sweep over the Perseus Veil to see what the fuss was about on the Quarian homeworld of Rannoch. Some asari, who had been there at the time had reported some conflict. Thinking little of the assignment, while still a little nervous about leaving the girls on their own for an extended time, Lidanya and Alana had finally agreed to it. There had been no option to stand down, if she was honest with herself. High Command had pulled them for it, and there was no avoiding it… or at least none they could see at the time. Needless to say, the op turned out more deadly than they could have foreseen, and Lidanya wound up coming home alone.

Hand noticeably shaking as she held that datapad bearing that notice of deployment, Lidanya dropped it onto the broad ledge. Her breathing had developed the same unease, and she worked frantically to control it. It had been years since this had occurred, and it would do no good to break down again now. Still, she couldn't help but question one thing:

"Damnit, Alana!" The words that were meant to hold strength sounded more like a harsh whisper as she hesitated before continuing. "You were my superior officer… You should have been on the command ship…" Slamming her right fist against the smooth and solid metal surface, Lidanya didn't flinch at the pain. Her right arm had been one doctors had to piece back together when it was crushed beneath a dislodged bulkhead. The shock from the impact traveled through her wrist, up her arm, and even reached her shoulder. "Why the hell didn't you challenge the placement-"

"Because she knew the possible risks going in, and she accepted them." The voice in which those words were spoken was neither cold nor frank. Instead, it held understanding and a warmth that did not suit its owner. Taking in a sharp breath, Lidanya didn't have time to turn before she heard the newcomer speak again. "Besides, Alana knew that you were stubborn as hell and that you would have verbally fought her to the death for that lesser position; increasing your risk of injury or death, and she wanted better for you."

A familiar hand touching her shoulder, Lidanya couldn't help but bow her head slightly; grief threatening to overrun her slight composure.

"The salarian did mention that I might find you up here... However," The pause caused the commando to look up slightly, and she found a strange comfort in Irissa's next words. "I had hoped to not find you like this."


	5. An End and a Beginning

**A Jagged Whole: From The Wreckage  
**_Chapter Five: An End and a Beginning_

* * *

With all formalities dealt with, the matriarch relaxed her posture. They had covered everything she had come here to discuss, or at least officially. They had covered the events of the last months: Saren's betrayal, the discovery of the Mu relay and Benezia's death, Saren's breeding facility on Virmire, his plan to usher in the next "Reaper" invasion, and the attack on the Citadel. Those had been a given, though she had heard rumors.

The next topic, not having to do with her stepping in as councilor for the duration, was Tevos' direct involvement in Shepard's escape from the Citadel before the battle. The spectre had gotten to her, which was a logical move on her part, and Tevos had entered the human embassy under false pretenses and hacked his terminal discretely; releasing the SSV Normandy from lockdown. There were possible sanctions that could come from it, but the councilor didn't seem fazed by it. The decision had to be made by someone, and she had made it. Better that Donnel Udina's terminal be hacked unbeknownst to him, rather than David Anderson decking him and then doing it.

"You could face a charge of treason that will be reduced to a formal "reprimand" at the very least; given the circumstances."

"I am aware of that." Pausing before turning from the view of the presidium, Tevos finally turned. "For the record, Irissa," Locking eyes with the councilor, the matriarch saw something akin to defiance in them. "It will have been worth it."

"I couldn't agree more." Nodding as she said this, Irissa went on. "If I were in your position, I might have considered the possibility of the human captain assaulting him. Whether I would have let him do it is another matter, but I would have considered it."

"Of course you would."

"There are some circumstances where ignorance cannot be helped, but in his case…" Looking out the window at the presidium as it was under repair, Irissa kept her focus with practiced ease. "The jury is still out." Deciding to leave that topic as it stood, the matriarch's eyes moved back toward the door exiting into the hallway. "So, how long has that been going on?"

"Since she went against medical advice and started keeping post there." It didn't take Tevos long at all to know what Irissa was referring to, apparently. Her tone suggested slight frustration but also held understanding. "She hasn't slept well at all; then again, who has since this all started?"

"Those who know nothing about the details." Frowning at the part where the commando had gone AMA, the matriarch continued. "Leave it to her to run herself into the ground."

"What else has she to do?"

"Do you think she has moved on from that?" It was one thing to linger on an event because it was life-changing for a good reason, but this was possibly destructive. "It's been over two hundred years."

"One could hope." Tevos' eyes moved in the same direction momentarily before returning to a datapad she had retrieved. "I have seen a definite change in her over the last few years, but I cannot be sure."

"It's been two decades since we have spoken, let alone seen each other." The reality of that statement was still slightly crushing. Though twenty years was nothing in respect to an asari's lifespan, they were both in the matriarch stage. With what had just happened in mind, Lidanya wasn't guaranteed tomorrow; neither of them were.

"I thought that was merely a rumor."

"Sadly, it isn't." Inclining her head slightly, Irissa elaborated. "Our duties got in the way, to say the least." Thinking on the last time that they had spoken on Thessia, she stiffened. "It wasn't a colossal falling out, but it wasn't exactly peaceful either."

"I see." Nodding in regard to something she had just read, Tevos replaced the datapad on a low table in the corner of the room. "No time like the present to resolve past conflict."

"Thankfully, this assignment was rather timely. I didn't simply come here for business."

"Good." Tone switching to a mock-businesslike one, the councilor went on. "While you're at it, attempt to convince her to get some rest; by that I mean a fitful sleep."

"You know that could be impossible." The amusement in the matriarch's tone was rare, but it was good to utilize such an emotion again.

"I know that you seem drawn to impossible challenges."

"Indeed." The upward curve o her lips was equally as rare to see. It had been years since she had been pleasantly amused at anything aside from someone else's foolish misfortunes. "I will keep you informed of events in the embassy during the duration as well as this situation. Both should prove interesting." Both nodding in agreement, Irissa turned toward the door and made to exit, letting a short laugh escape at the councilor's next words.

"Only you would say that," Her last words did re-affirm what Irissa was preparing to do, however. "And good luck."

"I have a feeling I will need it." That last comment being more personal than anything, Irissa noted that the chair that had been occupied maybe half an hour ago stood empty.

"She left for the roof a good forty-five minutes ago."

"Thank you." Nodding to the salarian doctor she had spoken to momentarily upon arrival, Irissa left the ward. There was much that had been said last they spoke, and it seemed to have taken its toll. Hearing the low murmur of the other occupants on the floor as she passed, the asari entered the stairwell and proceeded upward.

The roof of the hospital looked abandoned for the most part. People had come and gone, by the looks of it, but they didn't matter. The sole occupant stood on the opposite side of the platform. Back turned to the stairs, Irissa could hear voices, and neither belonged to her. Moving a little closer, she noted that her presence wasn't yet detected, and she recognized the speakers and their source. It was coming from a datapad, and the two speaking were young.

_"Goodnight, Dad; love you!"_

_"Sleep well, and wherever you are, stay safe."_

"You too, both of you…"

That last had come from the asari standing just ahead. Voice cracking slightly as she said it, Irissa could see the weight of the galaxy as it bore down on the commando's shoulders. She had just been able to make out the faces of two younger asari on that datapad; she had seen them before many times, but it had been at least a century since the last. Now, however, she saw a notice of deployment. It was one she had looked at on her way out here; the one that had sent this commando's world crashing down around her.

"Damnit, Alana!" It was an excited utterance; it seemed Lidanya didn't have the strength of voice to actually sound angry, though. "You were my superior officer… You should have been on the command ship…" The hope had been that all of this would at least have been dealt with to an extent, but Irissa didn't like where the commando's mind was going. She flinched as Lidanya slammed her fist against the waist-high ledge. "Why the hell didn't you challenge the placement-"

"-Because she knew the possible risks going in, and she accepted them." Silence was a weapon best wielded by the cruelest of foes, and in this case, Irissa couldn't bring herself to do it. "Besides, Alana knew that you were stubborn as hell and that you would have verbally fought her to the death for that lesser position; increasing your risk of injury or death, and she wanted better for you." The statement couldn't have been more true; Alana had been one of the more dedicated women Irissa had known. Though she was a career commando, she took the time for her family. She did whatever was needed to keep them safe and happy. There was a time when Lidanya was given the same distinction. Having crossed the distance between them as she spoke, Irissa placed a hand on the commando's shoulder. "The salarian did mention that I might find you up here... However I had hoped to not find you like this."

For a split second, the tension was so thick, one could shred it with an omni blade, but it evaporated as quickly as it had come. Lidanya had looked up slightly, but Irissa still couldn't see her expression. Looking over the commando more closely, the matriarch had long contusions that were still healing in the grooves of her crest. The red markings that stood out against her darker skin were marred in places by dark purple blood. Feeling the woman taking a long breath, Irissa waited.

"Tell me something, Irissa." The tone she used easily highlighted her exhaustion. Turning slowly, Lidanya faced the other matriarch; Irissa remembered seeing her in this state only once before, and that was centuries ago. "Do you honestly think that this is better?"

"I won't even dignify that with a response."

"I've been on auto-pilot for nearly three centuries now;" Dark eyes bloodshot from lack of proper sleep, Irissa watched as the commando struggled to maintain proper focus. "I pursued someone who was dead, and I ignored those still living."

"There is another pressing issue here." Still so close, Irissa could hear the slight hinge in the other matriarch's breath. Her tone held none of its frigid tendencies, but she felt the strain of admitting this fact as if it applied to her as well. In a sense, it did. "You see yourself enduring each day as if it were an obstacle; chasing an end to something that you will never reach. In short, you have ceased to truly live." Seeing the commando nod slowly in recognition of her words, Irissa finished her thought. "Do not focus on the part of your life that has ended. Look at the threshold before you; will you cross it, or will you abandon it for what can never be?"

"Everything you said twenty years ago, you were right." Mind flashing back to that late afternoon, Irissa's lips parted as if she were preparing to say something, but the interjection never came. "Haven't looked into traffic in or around the Perseus Veil since that day." Bringing a hand up to gently rub her forehead to relieve the dull ache that still remained, Lidanya's eyes were sharper as they landed on the other matriarch again. "Thinking of that last thing you said before walking off, I want to let go… Of all of it."

"A welcome change." It was all she could bring herself to say at the moment. Hearing the commando say that she wanted to, in effect, move on from all of this was more than she had hoped for. "Forgive me, but of all things, what made you think of this now?"

"Two things occurred to me; When the Ascension was attacked during that battle, I couldn't help but think about how I wasn't guaranteed tomorrow and that my daughters, my girls, are out there somewhere." The slight strain in Lidanya's tone suggested that this was something she couldn't stand for.

"What do you mean "out there somewhere"?"

"They're gone." Turning her back again, Lidanya looked out over the low wall, taking another long sip of her tea as she did so. "I haven't seen them in nearly a century now." Her tone suggested that the words were blades in her throat as she spoke them. "Returned to Thessia after a long deployment, and they weren't there…"

"You didn't just stop looking for them…"

"No." It was meant to be spoken normally, but it sounded like a harsh whisper. "Everywhere I go, I look for them. I know what's out in the Terminus and the Traverse; all I can do is, until I find them, hope they are safe."

"They are wise beyond their years." The statement wasn't made with false intent. From what she knew, Irissa had heard that the two grow into rather intelligent and street-wise young women. Where they were, she hadn't a clue. "Look at the examples that they had to follow."

"Yeah." The commando's bitter tone didn't surprise the other matriarch at all. "One went down as a blazing heroine, and well… You've seen what I've become."

"So I have."

"And yet, you haven't really turned away, have you?" Still with her back turned, Irissa could see the commando's posture straighten slightly. "Usually, this is one of the slowest and most agonizing days of the year; it's her birthday. That all changed today."

"What was it that changed?"

"I'm lucky to still be alive; fortunate enough to even have my girls, let alone find them. It's only appropriate that I let this… her… go."

"What brought you to this conclusion?" There was notable relief in the matriarch's tone as she eyed the commando. It had to be some of the better news she had heard since all this had started.

"You did." Slightly taken aback by that, Irissa didn't have time to react properly before Lidanya continued, and her response brought a whole new meaning to the term shocked. "You made my choice simple just by being here."

Seeing the commando turn on her heel suddenly, Irissa felt a rush of warmth; the distance was closed between them, two arms were firmly around her waist, and she lost all sense of stability. There was a minute snapping sound as the other matriarch tilted her head; the commando's lips gently but securely taking her own. The initial shock that had hit her was still present, but Irissa felt herself letting go if the precaution. Body relaxing in the embrace, her hands glided up the form-fitting uniform to rest at the base of Lidanya's collar. It all seemed surreal, alien, but not unwanted. The knot that had formed in her stomach just seconds ago had worked its way up to her chest, but the warmth that was spreading through her body seemed to slowly work its way through it.

Taking in all that had been said and succumbing to a tidal wave of her own emotions, Irissa reacted, kissing the commando with equal, if not greater, strength. The two arms that held her tightened, and she chanced a look at the woman. There was no grief, no remorse, or a trace of the burdens that had been laid atop her shoulders at the moment. All that had been was replaced by a freedom that had no definition. It was then that Irissa understood; this was not simply an act of random frustration; it wasn't a need for affection from a ghost long passed. This was a means to an end and an opportunity for a new beginning.

* * *

**A/N:** This is the end of this particular story. After thinking on it, I'm making this part of a trilogy, so I'm not leaving these two where they stand for long. Thanks for giving this a read, and stay tuned for more.

**As a clarification:** I added the [Shepard (F)/Councilor Tevos] pairing to this since I'll be making mentions of it throughout the series. Not so much in this one, but it will come. This and the other two fics to come will be companion pieces to "From Ashes".


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